First, take out the deuce of clubs and as well as the deuce of hearts. No need for those during this game. In fact, replace them with both jokers. Both jokers, big and little, are always wild and are sure to win you a book or two. I’m speaking in terms of Spades! Spades is a card game where you and partner can match wits and strategy to win against another duo. Neither verbal nor non-verbal communication is permitted. Talking across the table is forbidden. You must learn and know your partner’s tendencies. Adjust to the unexplained, but understood the reasoning to why a specific card was thrown out.
Always remember, after using the jokers, the deuces of diamonds and spades are the next power cards. However, before you even get a chance to use those cards and throwing from the spades suit, you should play a few clubs, throw out a few diamonds and break a few hearts. You and your partner can play the part to your heart’s desire but when the communication is lacking the only thing you could possibly have to your advantage is chemistry. Most people who dabble in playing the game usually have a partner they prefer to play with. Chemistry makes one hell of a difference when you’re trying to win. You don’t know exactly if the card you are about to throw into the pile will benefit you both but you’re playing to win.
Your opponent threw out a jack of spades and all you have is the deuce of spades to really contend with that card. If need be, you could take this book because you’ve only assured winning one; however, your partner pledged more books. Surely, they have a strategy to compete because preserving your spade grants the opportunity to win another book. Most people who have that chemistry and know how their partner responds usually are more successful during this time. Your partner throws the deuce of diamonds, after you already played your deuce of spades. Yes, you won the book collectively, but your partner’s spade could have been preserved to win another book. Fast forward a bit, now you both have come up short on your total amount of books because you weren’t able to communicate, and chemistry failed you.
Don’t get me wrong. Spades is entertaining because of the restricted communication. Possibly one of the few situations where non-verbal communication outweighs dialogue and is more productive during games. Other times there is more to lose than a book or a round during a card game. We can’t play games all the time. The enjoyment you get from sharing chemistry with someone can only allow you to inhale rapture for so long, then the expectations and unanswered thoughts mutate into assumptions. The only reason we give those assumptions any value in the first place is due to experience. And sometimes, experience has left a nasty taste in our mouth, like mayonnaise.
We are foolish enough to believe that God gave us enough will power to dictate fate. So, when those remnants from bad experience began to show their ugly faces, all those broken promises and failed attempts of preserving a relationship began echoing and naturally you listen. I have tried to preserve those presumptions, but time and the worldly pleasures made sure experience worked its magic on me. The truth about experience is that it is beautiful in hindsight, but the actual moment won’t allow you to believe that. And maybe that’s why so many people are numb and jaded in this world because they have not come to terms to the exclusive nature of those experiences that changed their perception of what love is supposed to be like.
But closure is another chapter. We’re talking about hindsight, which is only beautiful by design. Whether the complete truth, his right, her wrongs, or consequential perception, all questions you both had prior are now answered.
There are times you ask a question twice, maybe three times to get the answer you need. I encountered with Lure, a woman who I met by chance, twice, prior to finally meeting her a third time. Everything I should’ve known during this relationship, I learned at the end of our run. So, it only makes sense to tell this story by starting with the ending. Two people who were at one another. These two people are standing outside, under parking lot lights, are agreeing to disagree and go our separate ways. We returned from not exactly a break up dinner, but more like a “this is closure dinner”.
Again, this isn’t about closure, that is another side of this story. I’ll define that some other time.
The time finally comes for the last times, I walk her back to her door as if we were trying to beat curfew. Her key enters the doorknob and before it turns, she turns toward me. Our eyes locked. The tension locked between our eyes was only matched by the intensity we once shared during intimate moments of passion. We both knew that through all the arguments and stubborn actions, there existed some love and caring there. We just followed our jones and ignored all instincts, made assumptions and believed that the romantic poems I wrote and performed somehow dictated our desires to be in unison. We were wrong. The novelty waned and reality set in. We recognized there were things that existed that we didn’t ask for. In fact, we didn’t ask but should have asked…the right questions.
The question was “Where do we go from here?” A question I asked because I needed to both break the ice from the awkward silence that crept in, as well as, to really begin the conversation we needed to have. But we both knew the answer. It was over. We should have answered this within that first week of us getting to know one another.
Maybe, I forgot to mention that when I met her, she was in and out of a relationship, and I was trying to be a friend. Well, maybe a friend isn’t the proper expression. I had ulterior motives of her being mine. If my intentions were to build a relationship with this woman then I would’ve given the time to allow her to close that chapter with her ex and do whatever healing and building she needed, before opening another chapter with me. But it was a little thrill of the forbidden that peaked my interest. And again, this isn’t about closure.
I remember asking, “Are you happy?” once and I don’t remember the exact words, but at this very moment, her mood and affect matched that time in our history. I didn’t meet the assumed expectations. Around the time, I asked her if she was happy, she told me that she wasn’t and gave me opportunity to play the role she needed. We all play a role in each other’s lives on this Earth. Albert Einstein taught us that with the Law of Relativity. At the time, she needed a friend, someone neutral and it didn’t hurt that I was novel. In playing this role, chemistry takes over and I grow fond of her, and somewhere quickly began lusting. But it was mutual, so that any notion of me being a creep is limited. My role shifted, and in the end if I asked her if she was happy she would have easily responded “NO.”
When we began, my role was to be relief, the person she could maybe vent to, or even release tension with a laugh or an occasional orgasm. Somewhere down the line we found more than comfort. The only problem with that is that the trysts that turned into escapades had turned into the beginning of a relationship. I stop playing my role It wasn’t any need for it anymore. The dynamics of our relationship changed, because she was no longer another man’s lady but my girl. She was no longer just a taboo thrill. Now, understand my attraction never faded, not one day, given that she was becoming exclusive to me. Our expectations originated from our initial situation, lust and late-night rendezvous but once we began investing time and emotions, is when the changes began. And with those changes became different expectations and outlooks.
Here’s the dilemma, we began on the wrong note, we wanted more from the initial idea of just “kicking it” but we never communicated relationship goals. We expected this powerful chemistry we shared to be an anchor, during our journey, steadying our plight during this journey. But this isn’t spades, you need more than just I love you’s and passionate sex to maintain a relationship. You must be able to talk, genuinely and openly. Being faithful, outside of the biblical context, is not given. She had to tell me that’s what she wanted. Set Boundaries. And when she started being chummy with her ex, I should’ve let it be known of how much I was willing to accept. Logically, what expectations could I even set for her interactions with her ex, after all, he was once me before I was I and now I was beginning to become him. Makes sense?
The point I’m trying to make is that you can’t expect everything to always just flow because that’s what you want. At least between two people. Yes, there is chemistry but what happens when signals get crossed. Or the text messages don’t quite say what you mean because you forget to put“lol”. In my defense, we were dating during the pioneering days of texting that cell phones were not quite smart. Think early Blackberry. I never told her I how I felt. No emojis to animate it.
The irony at this point is that when we first met, I could talk on the phone with her for hours and she could vent to me about any and everything. But now we are a shell of that. We stop being transparent and exposing ourselves. Perhaps because the role we thought we played, trying to salvage this fondness we shared. We don’t speak our mind, biting our tongue for the sake of avoiding conflict. Nevertheless, dialogue is needed and if some type of conflict is a result there of it, the goal is to find a solution not to win an argument. Once the truth comes out, the damage is done and sometimes there’s no longer an opportunity to fix things. Then the question of even wanting to continue a relationship arises. (ironically, should have been asked in the beginning).
There’s more to this story, and I’m not going to avoid not communicating it, but this isn’t the closing but again this is not about closure, I’ll save that for another post. And even though, we had strong feelings and chemistry, we finally communicated that we had reached our end. Stay tuned.